What to Expect in Couple’s Therapy
By Jacqueline Volpicella, LMSW
Relationships look different over time at various points in a couple’s shared life. Major events, both positive and negative, can lead to partners shifting their perception of themselves and therefore their romantic relationships. Oftentimes when individuals think of couple’s counseling they envision someone siding with their partner, telling them who is right and who is wrong in an argument, and telling them how to change in order to meet the expectations they perceive their partner having of them. Let’s dispel some of the myths and misconceptions of couple’s therapy.
What Couple’s Counseling is Not:
A SPACE TO “WIN ARGUMENTS”
Healthy relationships don’t exist without disagreements. Learning how to respectfully disagree, come to compromises, and most importantly connect on shared goals are all important aspects to couple’s counseling sessions.
A SPACE WHERE WE ARE TOLD WHAT TO DO
In couple’s counseling, the client is not each person in the partnership but rather the partnership itself. It is the couple’s counselor’s job to be objective and diplomatic in considering all sides of a couple’s conflict. The decision-making power is shared between partners, not something given to the therapist. A therapist is a guide for couples to regain a sense of control & center in their relationship.
A SPACE TO FEEL SHAMED OR SCOLDED
Therapy is a space for all parties to feel respected regardless of their mistakes they’ve made or misunderstandings they’ve had. This is true in both individual and couple’s sessions, and a therapist is there to offer unconditional positive regard. Effective couple’s counseling focuses on empowering all parties to feel secure & motivated towards making positive change.
What Couple’s Counseling Is:
A SPACE TO LEARN EFFECTIVE LISTENING SKILLS
One of the main issues that couples come to therapy for help with is to understand why their partner isn’t hearing them. Speaking to a therapist can help each party feel seen and heard. By having a therapist identify where communication is getting tangled you, your partner, and the therapist can clear up any confusion or misperceptions leading to issues.
A SPACE TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION
Working through issues in any relationship can feel uncomfortable. When we feel calm and safe, we can more clearly and logically think and listen. Therapy is a space to find mutual respect in a relationship, and by doing so feel comfortable to hear and listen to the uncomfortable.
A SPACE TO DISAGREE
It may be surprising or contradictory to hear that in couple’s counseling that there would be a focus on disagreeing. It is unrealistic, however, to think that partners sharing a life together will never disagree again, which is why this is never a goal in couple’s counseling. Finding a way to respectfully disagree, however, is a realistic and healthy aspect of romantic partnerships.
It takes courage to acknowledge a need for assistance through a difficult time in a relationship. No matter how overwhelming a problem may seem, effective counseling can help a couple manage issues to help all parties feel more centered & empowered. If you and your partner feel your relationship would benefit from this kind of space, we encourage you to reach out for a consultation. If you are looking for couple’s therapy in Long Island, schedule a consultation with one of our couples therapists at our Babylon office in Suffolk County, or our Merrick location in Nassau County by calling our office at (631) 805-5668 or requesting an appointment here.
Are you looking for Psychotherapy in Long Island?
Our therapists are some of the top-rated psychotherapists in Long Island. At Nassau Suffolk Psychotherapy & Wellness we offer mental health services in-person at our Nassau and Suffolk offices, as well as virtual therapy options. We proudly see clients all across Long Island including; Lindenhurst, West Islip, Babylon, Bay Shore, Merrick, Bellmore, Wantagh and Seaford. At NSPW we specialize in Mindfulness Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Couples Therapy, Play Therapy, and Family Therapy. To contact us or to request an appointment please reach us here.
