5 Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
By Emma Kershen, LMSW
“I wish I made more money- everyone else in my family is successful except me- I’m such a loser.”
“I’m so fat.”
“No one is ever going to love me or want to be with me.”
“I can’t do it, I’m not good at anything.”
“I didn’t get that job I wanted, I’m such a failure.”
Unfortunately, very often we are our own harshest critics. At times, we may even be our own worst enemies! It is often our own self-defeating inner dialogue and thoughts that contribute to negative feelings about ourselves. These thoughts can impact confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, sometimes leading to struggles with anxiety, depression, substance use, and other mental health disorders. Noticing these self-defeating thoughts is the first step towards change! Practicing self-compassion can be a way to help combat these limiting beliefs about ourselves.
Below are some tips regarding practicing self-compassion.
Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend.
When you notice a thought arise, ask yourself “would I say this to a friend or loved one?” If the answer is no, try reframing the negative thought into something more helpful- something that serves you and makes you feel better- something you might say to a friend.
Example: “I lost my patience with my toddler again and raised my voice, I’m such a bad mom, I can’t do anything right.”
Reframe: “Parenting is hard, you are doing the best you can, you are a work in progress, you can learn from your mistakes.”
Practice Positive Affirmations.
Challenge the negative self-defeating thoughts and replace them with some positive affirmations to read and repeat to yourself.
Examples of positive affirmations:
I am worthy
I am valuable
I love myself unconditionally
I am capable
I am safe and secure
I am loved
I am beautiful inside and out
List Your Positive Traits.
Write a list of all your positive traits and return to this list when self-defeating thoughts arise.
Examples of positive traits:
Kind
Creative
Intelligent
Hardworking
Loyal
Attractive
Accepting
Strong
Friendly
Flexible
Try Loving Kindness Meditation.
Loving-Kindness Meditation is one of the practices included in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn, based on Buddhist teachings. Practicing this meditation involves directing compassionate feelings toward oneself, and ultimately toward all beings, allowing us to recognize our common humanity.
This practice can reduce self-critical thoughts. It can help individuals replace self-judgment with self-acceptance, which can assist with improving self-esteem over time.
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Treat Yourself With Kindness and Compassion.
We are human beings, not robots! Cut yourself some slack. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
Show yourself love, acceptance, and grace.
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings without judgment.
Give yourself permission to slow down, take breaks, rest, and relax.
Listen to your body.
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